Do I always have to be the bigger person??

     So...I have had so much on my mind this weekend. I really used this weekend to reflect and just have some quiet time. I had a hard time at work last week. I am currently the receptionist at work. I never applied for any other jobs because I was working with HR. Well HR didn't have the money for me and with all the changes in the company, I got stuck back at receptionist full time. I really don't mind being receptionist because I get to know everyone and kind of help everyone out. I would rather move to a different position though and learn more about the company and stay busy. I applied last week for a position. I didn't get it. That part didn't bother me...it was how it all went down that really bothered me.
     I found out a good friend lied to me...numerous times. I thought a lady I worked with was my friend but obviously she had other people she wanted for the position. I try and stay out of the gossip and drama at work. I love the people I work with but they are work friends. I have a couple friends who are more than just work friends and we hang out outside of work. I guess that's what makes it so hard. If I don't become besties and hang out with everyone outside of work then it hurts me in trying to get a different job. It's so hard. The person who got it is a hard worker and I think will do great at the position but if I didn't know that, I would think it's because of social status. It should only be about how qualified that person is for the job.
     Something Matthew and I say to each other all the time and I heard it all growing up from my parents was "Be the bigger person." Sometimes it's very hard. I just wanted to cry last week from being hurt and confront certain people about it. What is that going to solve? Nothing. I know things that went on "behind the scenes" that I can't say. I have to just keep my mouth shut, put on a smile, and learn from this. I learned who I can truly trust and how the work place is really handled.
     I was kind of in a rut all weekend. I went to church yesterday and Pastor Marta's sermon just really spoke to me. Everything I do in life shouldn't be about me and how it benefits me but I should do it for God and live a life like he wants me to. It's not always easy and I'm far from perfect but I should try as hard as I can. It also made me think last night of everything I am so thankful for and how blessed I am. No matter how life treats you, I have certain things that can always make me happy!

• I have a loving God that loves me no matter what
• I have the most amazing husband.
• I have the best family a girl could ever have. I seriously ask God all the time how I was so lucky to get the most perfect and loving parents and two awesome sisters.
• I have a roof over my head.
• Matthew and I are healthy and our families.
• I have really good friends
• I have a one of a kind church family!
• I have....Christmas music. It always makes me happy!

I encourage you all to always try and see the positive things in life...even when you are having a rough day or week.

Feeling Selfish

My thoughts have been everywhere lately. Last Friday night/Saturday morning, Matthew's Grandmother, Grandma Porter, went to be with the Lord. It's not that I have issues with death but it just hit me hard. When I lost my Grandaddy, it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. He was one of the greatest men I ever knew. It made me cherish my relationships with my Nana and Grandmommie that much more. There are so many people out there who don't give their grandparents the time of day. I find it so sad...

I met Grandma on the 4th of July in 2010. From the moment I met her, I fell in love with her. She had the BEST sense of humor. I always found her so funny. Matthew and I would go over for lunch or dinner and spend hours with her playing cards and talking about life. I know technically she has only been my grandma since we got married but I thought of her as my grandma since I started dating Matthew. I admired Matthew for being so close to his grandmothers. I didn't get a very long time with her but I did get a little over two years and I feel so lucky. I loved her so much and I just hope she knew how much I thought of her.

When Matthew called me last Friday and told me that Grandma had been rushed to the ER and they were doing CPR, my heart sank. I got a text later saying she was okay and was breathing partly on her own. Matthew called me a bit later to tell me she wouldn't make it and that we needed to head over to the hospital. My emotions were all over the place. It's crazy how things work out. I happen to drive that day to work so I could leave straight from work to the hospital. We all were able to spend Thanksgiving together and visit her on Christmas at the hospital. Matthew and I spent the morning with her on New Years. When I got in the car I had it all together and then I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe came on. I lost it. It's the most beautiful song. It gave me a sense of peace though. We all got to say our goodbye that night. I love Matthew's whole family like they are my own....which they are now! I know she's in a better place but I can't help and feel selfish at times and wish she was back with us. It's been a very emotional week for me. I thank you all for your prayers.

I will always cherish the time I had with her. I'm so thankful for having her at our wedding. I thank her for giving me Suzy...which gave me Matthew. Grandma's service is this Saturday. It's going to be hard but we will be celebrating her wonderful life. I love you Grandma. <3

Grandma's Obituary


I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the sun

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine
yeah
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever,
forever worship you

I can only imagine