Do I always have to be the bigger person??

     So...I have had so much on my mind this weekend. I really used this weekend to reflect and just have some quiet time. I had a hard time at work last week. I am currently the receptionist at work. I never applied for any other jobs because I was working with HR. Well HR didn't have the money for me and with all the changes in the company, I got stuck back at receptionist full time. I really don't mind being receptionist because I get to know everyone and kind of help everyone out. I would rather move to a different position though and learn more about the company and stay busy. I applied last week for a position. I didn't get it. That part didn't bother me...it was how it all went down that really bothered me.
     I found out a good friend lied to me...numerous times. I thought a lady I worked with was my friend but obviously she had other people she wanted for the position. I try and stay out of the gossip and drama at work. I love the people I work with but they are work friends. I have a couple friends who are more than just work friends and we hang out outside of work. I guess that's what makes it so hard. If I don't become besties and hang out with everyone outside of work then it hurts me in trying to get a different job. It's so hard. The person who got it is a hard worker and I think will do great at the position but if I didn't know that, I would think it's because of social status. It should only be about how qualified that person is for the job.
     Something Matthew and I say to each other all the time and I heard it all growing up from my parents was "Be the bigger person." Sometimes it's very hard. I just wanted to cry last week from being hurt and confront certain people about it. What is that going to solve? Nothing. I know things that went on "behind the scenes" that I can't say. I have to just keep my mouth shut, put on a smile, and learn from this. I learned who I can truly trust and how the work place is really handled.
     I was kind of in a rut all weekend. I went to church yesterday and Pastor Marta's sermon just really spoke to me. Everything I do in life shouldn't be about me and how it benefits me but I should do it for God and live a life like he wants me to. It's not always easy and I'm far from perfect but I should try as hard as I can. It also made me think last night of everything I am so thankful for and how blessed I am. No matter how life treats you, I have certain things that can always make me happy!

• I have a loving God that loves me no matter what
• I have the most amazing husband.
• I have the best family a girl could ever have. I seriously ask God all the time how I was so lucky to get the most perfect and loving parents and two awesome sisters.
• I have a roof over my head.
• Matthew and I are healthy and our families.
• I have really good friends
• I have a one of a kind church family!
• I have....Christmas music. It always makes me happy!

I encourage you all to always try and see the positive things in life...even when you are having a rough day or week.

Feeling Selfish

My thoughts have been everywhere lately. Last Friday night/Saturday morning, Matthew's Grandmother, Grandma Porter, went to be with the Lord. It's not that I have issues with death but it just hit me hard. When I lost my Grandaddy, it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. He was one of the greatest men I ever knew. It made me cherish my relationships with my Nana and Grandmommie that much more. There are so many people out there who don't give their grandparents the time of day. I find it so sad...

I met Grandma on the 4th of July in 2010. From the moment I met her, I fell in love with her. She had the BEST sense of humor. I always found her so funny. Matthew and I would go over for lunch or dinner and spend hours with her playing cards and talking about life. I know technically she has only been my grandma since we got married but I thought of her as my grandma since I started dating Matthew. I admired Matthew for being so close to his grandmothers. I didn't get a very long time with her but I did get a little over two years and I feel so lucky. I loved her so much and I just hope she knew how much I thought of her.

When Matthew called me last Friday and told me that Grandma had been rushed to the ER and they were doing CPR, my heart sank. I got a text later saying she was okay and was breathing partly on her own. Matthew called me a bit later to tell me she wouldn't make it and that we needed to head over to the hospital. My emotions were all over the place. It's crazy how things work out. I happen to drive that day to work so I could leave straight from work to the hospital. We all were able to spend Thanksgiving together and visit her on Christmas at the hospital. Matthew and I spent the morning with her on New Years. When I got in the car I had it all together and then I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe came on. I lost it. It's the most beautiful song. It gave me a sense of peace though. We all got to say our goodbye that night. I love Matthew's whole family like they are my own....which they are now! I know she's in a better place but I can't help and feel selfish at times and wish she was back with us. It's been a very emotional week for me. I thank you all for your prayers.

I will always cherish the time I had with her. I'm so thankful for having her at our wedding. I thank her for giving me Suzy...which gave me Matthew. Grandma's service is this Saturday. It's going to be hard but we will be celebrating her wonderful life. I love you Grandma. <3

Grandma's Obituary


I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the sun

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine
yeah
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I
fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever,
forever worship you

I can only imagine

Beautiful Bridesmaids!

I just wanted to take a minute to brag about my six bridesmaids that I had. I seriously couldn't have picked a better group of girls! They helped me plan, throw showers, decorate the reception, clean up after the wedding and so much more I haven't mentioned  :)

Miss Kelsi Kunz                                              Miss Mary Kunz

  

 

*My Maids of Honor*

I couldn't ask for two better maids of honor! I seriously got so lucky with two beautiful sisters. I don't know how I did because I picked on them like crazy when I was younger...and I still do. What's a big sister for? I am so proud of you both. I'm lucky to have two sisters that I can call my best friends. Kelsi, you are an amazing youth director. I feel like that position was your calling. You are doing so many wonderful things with the youth and blessing so many lives as you are doing it. Mary, you may be finishing school and working but you are working hard. You put a smile on every face you meet with your goofiness! I loved y'alls speech at the wedding. The first part was amazing and the second part was so sweet! Not sure what I think about all the little stories you told everyone though. :) Thank you for all your hard work to make my wedding day the best day of my life. I'm glad I got to share it with you! I can't wait to help plan both of your weddings...if your man can pass the Matthew test and put up with our crazy family. I love you two so much! :)

 

Miss Melissa Davidson  

Melissa and I met in the 4th grade. We were in the same class and we were in Girl Scouts together. Her mom was our leader. We were great friends until the end of middle school. We never stopped being friends but she did her thing and I did soccer...all the time. We reconnected in high school through a mutual friend we had. I thank God every day for us becoming so close again. She is what a true friend is. She has kicked boys butts for hurting me and put past friends who weren't so kind in their place. She may look sweet but she has sass and I wouldn't mess with her! :) Melissa, thank you for being my very best friend. We have been through so much together...girl scouts, heart break, college, roommates, a beautiful baby girl, my wedding and so many more memories. I can't imagine where I would be without you. I love you and Gianna like you are my real family!

 

 

Miss Rachel Crowley

Rachel and I were neighbors in the dorm at Tech. We were roommates the following year with two other friends in our first apartment!! She then moved home to be closer to family. We have remained friends since. Rachel, thank you for always being a true friend. We had so many good times at Tech...chunking, football games, watching elf with pie crust, your huge Christmas tree with Liz, late night McDonald's runs, hiding in your room, our bunnies, meeting at a public place called The Main Event, being my birthday buddy, dinners at chili's, and so many more memories! I have so much fun with you. I feel like I can talk to you about anything. You have always been there for me and I will always be there for you! You such a beautiful person! Love you Rach!

Ms. Jana Grasty

Jana is my beautiful cousin. I have looked up to her ever since I was little. I always wanted to be just like her. I remember growing up and my parents would say Jana was coming over and my sisters and I would start dancing and screaming for Jana to get there! Now she's not just my older cousin that I admire but a best friend I admire. Jana, I'm so glad we have always been close. I remember like it was yesterday when you came to my birthday party and taught us a dance routine. I loved being able to show off my older cousin! I remember your wedding and being so happy for you and how you included my sisters and I. Then Brayden came along and I got to babysit him and watch him grow. Then sweet Kylie came along and it's been fun watching her grow up as well. I love your kids and you're a wonderful mom! I'm so glad we have remained close through the years. I really miss having you close by. We need to get Charlie a job down here so you can move back and we can grab drinks again! Love you! :)

Mrs. Amy Fair

Amy and I met through church. She was always so welcoming and nice to me when I first joined. I went to Mo Ranch for the first time at Trinity and I didn't really fit in yet with the girls in my age group. They put me in a room with Amy, Aren and Stephanie. They were so sweet to me and included me in everything. When you are new somewhere, it means the world. We both went to college and then I moved back after Tech and Amy moved home and married Chris. Amy and I became a lot closer. Chris is one lucky man to have such a great wife. Amy, I feel very blessed to not only have you as a best friend but to have you in my church family. Everybody who comes in contact with you, loves you. I love how blunt you are. You are always making me laugh. You have such a big heart for people. You are always lending a hand to help out or just an ear to listen. Thank you for being such a great friend to me. I can't wait for our families to expand and our kids will be friends. Love you! :)

 

I love you all!! Thank you for everything! xoxox

 







So this is LOVE...

Wow...I haven't written in my blog in forever. I guess when you are planning a wedding, it takes up a wee bit of your time!
* Some sparkles in my life*

• I am a married woman now! Mrs. Robin Lucas. I love the way that sounds. September 8th was the best day of my life. Everybody who came made it just wonderful. I can't wait to get my pictures back!

• We just went to Wisconsin to celebrate Shaun and Danielle's wedding. It was beautiful! We fell in love with Wisconsin. Such a lovely state!

• My sweet goddaughter turns 2 this Saturday. Time sure does FLY by. I can't wait to celebrate! I love my Gianna!
• Gianna on her one year birthday!

• I'm loving fall! Football, blankets, hot chocolate, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin spice everything, scarves, boots....
• Matthew and I signed up to walk the ALS walk for Molly's Angels and the Breast Cancer Walk! If you can walk both of these, I highly recommend it.

• We have been watching Sarah play volleyball. She is AWESOME!

• Matthew got a job for Denton County. He is loving it! I'm having a harder time with it because I miss spending my evenings with him. It won't be forever!
• All my fall shows are starting back up. I know I don't have a life but I have my shows during the week and my football on the weekends. I'm happy!

Those are just a few things that are sparkling up our life! The Reverend at Shaun and Danielle's wedding said that this love we have today is nothing like what we will have in years to come with each other. It really hit me. I have been married A MONTH today to my best friend. In this one month, I already love him way more than I did the day we got married. I hate to brag but I had the best husband there this weekend. He took care of me the whole weekend. He was the star of the dancing floor in his badger hat. He just went out there and had so much fun and treated me like a princess the whole night. One thing about Matthew is that he always reminds me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. He does this numerous times a day. It will never get old. I love you Matthew Blaine Lucas and I can't wait to spend infinity months with you. Our love is growing more and more every minute I am with you.

My best friend

I just need to get this off my chest. I don't know why this bothers me so much because nobody is treating me bad but it's my best friend and her daughter.
How can a man not want to be more involved in his daughter’s life? I don't understand it. She's my goddaughter and I can't get enough of her. When I don't see her for a few days (which barely happens) I feel like she has grown so much in those few days.
I see the way that Melissa is as a mom. She is one of a kind. She puts her daughter before anything and everything in life. The love between her and her daughter is something that I cannot wait for some day. It boggles my mind that seeing your child every other month is good enough. That calling once a week to check in on the same day and time every week is good enough. It's like that is his scheduled time. He has missed so many of her "firsts".
Lately he has been all about how much more money he and his wife are making. He bought a new car, he bought a new computer, he bought fresh lobsters in Dallas for his mother, (but didn't stop by to say hi to his daughter) he pays for everything for him and his wife when they come into town. He doesn't pay child support, he doesn't offer any money to help, he wants them to go to nice restaurants when they're in town but doesn't pay for Melissa or Gianna, and he doesn't pay for any of the activities that he wants to do with her when he's in town. That is all on Melissa...meanwhile she's paying for everything else as well. She pays bills, rent, daycare, food, extras, diapers, etc... Buying a toy here in there is nice but I'm sure Gianna would love being with him more than getting a new toy once a month or every other month. I'm not saying he doesn't love her but he has a very odd way of showing it.

I just want to say that I know there are a lot of single moms and dads out there doing it all on their own. No matter what the circumstance is, you guys are amazing.

Melissa Christine Davidson, you are a wonderful mommy. You amaze me. I will always be there for you...day or night.  Love you sister! :)

Floating on Cloud 9

I can't say enough how blessed I am. Life is full of ups and downs but lately it's almost all been ups! We are at 86 days until the wedding. I can't believe how fast time is flying. I felt like it was dragging at first and now I feel like it won't slow down. There's so much still to do that I want it to slow down but then I can't wait to marry Matthew!  haha.

I have my first wedding shower next weekend. My mom's friend Merry Shuck, also a friend of mine who I have always looked up to is throwing me a church shower. I'm so excited. I can't wait to celebrate with my church family.
We got our engagement pictures done a couple weeks ago. I have a few sneak peeks. Kim Craig who is our photographer, did an amazing job. I wish I could look at myself and love how I look but of course all I did was complain about myself. She will be doing our wedding pictures as well. I can't wait. :)

2 weekends ago, I went shooting clays for the first time. I had such a fun time. I didn't do too bad. I can't wait to go shooting again. I think we might this weekend for father's day. I had a little bruise but it wasn't bad. Nothing bad enough to keep me from going again.
Wedding planning is going wonderful. Everything is coming along. I got my flower girl outfits in the mail last week. I can't wait to see it on them. They are going to steal the show with their cuteness! I can't wait to see our little ring bearer in a little tux. I think I am way more excited to see the kids all dressed up then myself. ha. We went and heard Marisa play the harp this last Saturday. She played what songs she will play at our wedding. It made me get so excited. She is perfect at playing the harp. I can't wait.
We have had two sessions now of premarital counseling. It's going great. I will do anything to make sure that our marriage lasts forever. It's on the other side of Fort Worth so it's fun to just talk and enjoy each other on the drive there and back.
I'm very excited about this weekend. It's a weekend all about Daddy's!! Can't wait to spend it with my amazing daddy and my future daddy in-law! :)

                                 


Random Happy things
I get to start attending church every Sunday! :)
I threw Kristen a small wedding shower at work!

The gas station by my house plays KLTY inside!
I learned how to make my own homemade tomato sauce.
I got to spend last Sunday afternoon with Grandma Kitty.
My Mom, Grandmommie, and Kelsi came and had lunch with me last week!
I love my goddaughter more everyday!

Best Detangler ever...

I got my wedding hanger in!

Best Hummus EVER!

Brayden got baptized!

I went to Bark in the Park with Krunkdaddy!

I love my little family!

Feeling good in your own skin

We finally got our save the dates done. I really like them. It was hard to decide which pictures to use. I either looked like I had a double chin or my cheeks look ginormous or my eyes were shut. I showed all the pictures to my mom and of course she told me I was being too hard on myself. I have always been my hardest critic.

I don’t know why but I have always thought of myself as fat. Growing up I always wanted to be super skinny. I would hear my friends talk in high school about how they were a size 0 or a size 3 or something tiny. I think if I became anorexic, I would still never be a size 0. I started feeling good about myself and the shape I was in and then I dated a guy my junior year. He told me that he wished I looked like Carmen Electra and she had a hot bod. I’m no Carmen. It really hurt my feelings and again I wasn’t happy with myself. I don’t think I wore a bathing suit in front of people for a few years. I look back now and I wish I looked like I did in high school. Haha.

My first year of college I put on that freshman 15 but I then worked all summer to take it back off. I realized not being active in sports and just eating and hanging out wasn’t going to cut it. My second year at Tech I started gaining a ton of weight. I found out that I had a tumor. As much as you don’t want a tumor, it was nice to know there was something that was making me blow up like a balloon. As my tumor got smaller, I started to take off the weight. It’s crazy how people treat you when you gain weight. You get stared at and people are just rude. I hope I have never made any one feel bad about their weight. I started to get in a good place again and happy with my weight but still not thinking it was good enough and I started putting some back on. I found out that I had a thyroid problem.  Bleh….that’s all I have to say about that.

My weight goes up and down all the time having issues with my thyroid. I’m not blaming it all on that because I could be working out way more and eating better at times. It’s a crazy rollercoaster. I feel like a majority of the time I am wishing to always be skinnier and always be prettier. I want Matthew to be proud to show me off. If I can’t get to a point where I love myself no matter what shape I am in at the time then I won’t be happy and I’ll bring Matthew down too.

I know it’s already April but I have some goals that I have set for the next month from today.

1)      To look at myself in the mirror and love the person that I am and to be comfortable in my own skin.

2)      To exercise a few times a week after work.

3)      I keep up on counting my calories…it’s got to help…

4)      To not eat out for lunch at work so much…it’s hard to say no to going out with my coworker’s

This blog was a little personal but I figure if I type it then I have to stick to it. We get our save the dates back tomorrow and I can’t wait to send them out. We get our engagement pictures done in a month. I’m very excited but still afraid of what I will look like…which I’m working on fixing. 143 days until I marry my best friend. I can’t wait for that day.

Shout out to Matthew- Thank you for making me feel beautiful and telling me how beautiful I am every day since the day I met you. I am one lucky gal! J

 Brayden! Matthew and I went to watch him play baseball on Saturday! He kicked some major booty. Cutest guy out there...I mean best player out there! :)

Miss Kylie and her pretty mama! :)