Well in 3 days I will be moving into my own apartment. I'm soo excited. Some of you may know and some of you may have come to the conclusion from my last post that Matthew and I are moving in together. I haven't really broad casted it everywhere. It's not that I'm hiding it, but it's a super big decision that I made and I have always been old fashioned so this is not something I would usually do. I am confident in my decision and I'm very excited to start this new chapter in my life with Matthew.
The strange part is that I am very excited about this and I don't have a doubt in my mind that it is not going to work. What's been eating at me is that my whole life I have always said I will never live with a man until I'm married. I always believed that I never would. I am now 25 years old and I don't think it's necessarily bad anymore. We have lived 30 to 40 minutes away from each other the whole time we have been together. We rarely ever have time alone. Sometimes I only see him once a week. I am ready to see him whenever I want and hug/kiss him whenever I want. When I have a bad day, I get to see him. Just seeing him puts me in a good mood. I'm not making excuses on why I think it's okay now, just that this is what I have decided to do. I didn't decide this overnight. Matthew and I talked a lot about this and I talked to my parents about this. It might sound weird but I respect my parents and I don't want to leave on bad terms. I know they aren't excited like I am but they support me....which I am very lucky for.
Another thing that has been really hard is worrying what others will think. I am not one to worry much about what others think. I know people say who cares what others think, but to me, I do care in certain ways. I think you should care to an extent on what people think about you. I don't want parents to think of me as a bad influence. Even though I am making this decision, I would never tell youth that I think it's the right thing to do. Yes I am doing it but that doesn't mean they should. I disagree with the saying you should live with somebody before getting married to see if it works. False. If you love someone then those little things that bug each other, you can get over or work through. I know Matthew and I will have our trials but I love him and I don't think this will make or break us. I have had a few people come up to me and say "this will be the factor on if y'all will make it or not." It hurts my feelings that people honestly think that. I also don't want people to think that I have lost my morals because I do still have morals. It's funny because I have a lot of friends that are like who cares, it's a different decade. I however do care, it was a very big deal to me and I just don't want to let anybody down or have them change the way they view me.
I might sound silly right now and I am blowing this way out of proportion but it's been heavy on my heart. I do love Matthew and I can't wait to marry him. There are a lot of things that will be different. I have never lived with a boy before and since I don't have any brothers, this will be new to me. I know living with brothers and your boyfriend are two totally different things but there are things I have never had to deal with. This will be interesting....like the toilet seat left up, stinky toots, more laundry, not being so anal about everything, learning to share, making sure we compromise about things...and more. I'm not worried though. I'm sure I will have some stories to share as this journey begins. Thank you for your support. :)
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