Feeling good in your own skin

We finally got our save the dates done. I really like them. It was hard to decide which pictures to use. I either looked like I had a double chin or my cheeks look ginormous or my eyes were shut. I showed all the pictures to my mom and of course she told me I was being too hard on myself. I have always been my hardest critic.

I don’t know why but I have always thought of myself as fat. Growing up I always wanted to be super skinny. I would hear my friends talk in high school about how they were a size 0 or a size 3 or something tiny. I think if I became anorexic, I would still never be a size 0. I started feeling good about myself and the shape I was in and then I dated a guy my junior year. He told me that he wished I looked like Carmen Electra and she had a hot bod. I’m no Carmen. It really hurt my feelings and again I wasn’t happy with myself. I don’t think I wore a bathing suit in front of people for a few years. I look back now and I wish I looked like I did in high school. Haha.

My first year of college I put on that freshman 15 but I then worked all summer to take it back off. I realized not being active in sports and just eating and hanging out wasn’t going to cut it. My second year at Tech I started gaining a ton of weight. I found out that I had a tumor. As much as you don’t want a tumor, it was nice to know there was something that was making me blow up like a balloon. As my tumor got smaller, I started to take off the weight. It’s crazy how people treat you when you gain weight. You get stared at and people are just rude. I hope I have never made any one feel bad about their weight. I started to get in a good place again and happy with my weight but still not thinking it was good enough and I started putting some back on. I found out that I had a thyroid problem.  Bleh….that’s all I have to say about that.

My weight goes up and down all the time having issues with my thyroid. I’m not blaming it all on that because I could be working out way more and eating better at times. It’s a crazy rollercoaster. I feel like a majority of the time I am wishing to always be skinnier and always be prettier. I want Matthew to be proud to show me off. If I can’t get to a point where I love myself no matter what shape I am in at the time then I won’t be happy and I’ll bring Matthew down too.

I know it’s already April but I have some goals that I have set for the next month from today.

1)      To look at myself in the mirror and love the person that I am and to be comfortable in my own skin.

2)      To exercise a few times a week after work.

3)      I keep up on counting my calories…it’s got to help…

4)      To not eat out for lunch at work so much…it’s hard to say no to going out with my coworker’s

This blog was a little personal but I figure if I type it then I have to stick to it. We get our save the dates back tomorrow and I can’t wait to send them out. We get our engagement pictures done in a month. I’m very excited but still afraid of what I will look like…which I’m working on fixing. 143 days until I marry my best friend. I can’t wait for that day.

Shout out to Matthew- Thank you for making me feel beautiful and telling me how beautiful I am every day since the day I met you. I am one lucky gal! J

 Brayden! Matthew and I went to watch him play baseball on Saturday! He kicked some major booty. Cutest guy out there...I mean best player out there! :)

Miss Kylie and her pretty mama! :)

A Weekend of Reflection

Yay for three day weekends! I don't know why but whenever we have a three day weekend I start if off with a cold. I'm not complaining too much because it was really nice to just be lazy on Friday. I slept in and stayed in my pjs. Matthew didn't have class so we were able to spend Good Friday together. He ran a couple of errands and came home with some beautiful pink tulips. I got to use one of my new vases to put them in. Good Friday will always be way more special to our family. My mom finished up radiation 3 years ago on Good Friday. She has been breast cancer free ever since. I feel very blessed to have my mom with me today and to be free from cancer. Cancer is such a cruel disease and I can't wait for the day when we have a cure to heal everyone.

 My mama and me! The most amazing woman I know. I hope I will be half as good as a mom as she is!

 My beautiful flowers!

My new lamp!!

Saturday morning we went to a memorial service for my friend Josh Nelinson's mom. She lost her battle to lung cancer. She was such a sweet sweet person. It was a beautiful service. I felt awful when I heard the news and I had no idea that she had been battling it since July. It made me feel like such a horrible friend. We get so busy in our daily lives and before you know it months have gone by. Josh has always been such a great friend to me and my whole family loves him to death. It really made me think about the person I am and how I want to better myself. I want to be there for my friends and I want them to know just how much I care. I would do anything for them no matter how "busy" I am. I'm really good at saying we need to get together but then never making the time to do it. Life is precious and you never know when it will be taken away from you or someone you love. The service also got me thinking about how I want to be remembered. I don't think you are ever too good to improve the type of person you are. I hope to try and better myself every day so that when my day comes, people can look back and have only positive memories.

After the memorial service my mom and I met my bridesmaids at David's Bridal! All six of my beautiful bridesmaids were able to come. They all got fit in their dress and looked stunning. I can't wait to see them all in their color. After getting fit and paying...which it was on sale I might add, we went to BJ's for lunch. I had so much fun. I am so blessed with wonderful friends and family. I love you all times infinity!! :)

Saturday evening I spent with my hunny! He wasn't feeling too good so it was my turn to spoil him. We watched The Help. I LOVED that movie. It was so good! I'm so glad that our world is not like that today. I know there are still people out there who still act so childish but there will always be a couple people who need help.

 Annie doesn't understand Matthew is sleeping...she wants to play.

We had a wonderful Easter Sunday!! I worked in the nursery all three services. The children were all dressed up and hyped up on candy! I really love those kids but I was sad that we were shorthanded because I wasn't able to attend church. When Marta gets back from maturity leave, I am going to give my two weeks. I'm going to miss those little munchkins so much but I want Matthew and I to attend church together. Our Easter service is my favorite service of the whole year. The message and the hymns are wonderful. After church Matthew and I went to his dad's and I GOT MY RING BACK!!! It's all purdy and shiny and as good as ever! I was one happy girl and I am one lucky girl as well!

 I got my ring back!!!

 This is what Annie does every morning. She jumps on Matthew's chest and licks his face until he wakes up. haha! :) 

It was a wonderful weekend and 5 months from yesterday we will be GETTING MARRIED!!! :)

Facebook

Everybody seems to have facebook these days. I am guilty of being on facebook way to much but at the same time I sometimes wonder why I even have it. There is so much on facebook that annoys me...why...I have no idea. lol.
1. You never know how obsessed one person is with themselves until you are friends with them on facebook. They have an album labeled me. They take thousands of pictures of themselves in the mirror, or making some silly duck face, or looking up at the camera so you can see down their shirt. I just don't understand it. You should love yourself and have self confidence but really???
2. People and their politics. Everybody has an opinion. I'm more republican then democrat but I'm not 100% on either side. I'm going to vote for whom ever I think is going to be a great president for this country. All I ever see is people bashing the other. I do make jokes time to time but people who use facebook as their bashing website or to put down others is ridiculous. I actually saw someone say "just because I am a Christian does NOT make me a republican" Wow. I'm pretty sure you have lots of facebook friends who are Republicans...that's sending out a lot of love right there. It's crazy how nasty it can get over politics. I guess that's why I never really discuss my views because I like having friends. lol
3. Who came up with planking, batting, owling, etc...? Yes I will make fun of you but I still love you. haha. I just don't understand how that comes about. One day somebody says take a picture of me planking and before you know it everybody is doing it. What makes it popular for people to want to copy? I just don't get it. Same with the duck face all the girls do...I have never thought it looked so attractive that I should start making that face. hmmm....
4. Tagging yourself everywhere you go. I have done it a few times but I don't do it when I am at home, or doing laundry, or taking a nap, or going to the bathroom. Some people are a little obsessed with updating their status and letting us know what they are doing and what time and what place and who they will be with. If you want somebody to stalk you...I'm pretty sure you would be a piece of cake for them. I don't quite get the point of wanting everybody to know your every move.
5. There are people in high school who weren't the nicest to me at times. They ask to be my friend on facebook and I say yes. I don't hold a grudge and for the most part I don't have anything against anyone in high school. I would hope a majority of us are different and more mature people then who we were in high school. What I don't understand is why they ask to be my friend? I try and talk to them on their page or comment on their pictures and they never reply back or say anything to me. Did you ask so you can see what's going on in my life or to see how many friends you can have? I usually delete them after awhile and then I probably look like the mean girl who deleted them for no reason. My facebook friends are people that if I ran into them, I would talk to them because we are friends and I wouldn't worry about them knowing things going on in my life.
6. My last complaint is not just facebook...it's all the different sites on the internet. I see so many people argue on facebook. I have never quite understood why. If you don't like what somebody says on facebook, just move on. I see too many people putting in their two sense when it shouldn't matter. The other day on facebook, Kidd Kraddick posted a status and asked what people thought about Snooki being pregnant? People actually were fighting with each other over whether she will be a good mother or not. Are we serious people?? We don't even know her and you are fighting over if she is going to be a good mother or not. They called it social networking...interesting.

After all the complaining about things that bother me, I still like facebook. I love to catch up with friends and see what's going on in their lives. I do not like talking on the phone so facebook is perfect for me. I love looking at pictures of them and their family and see all the wonderful things going on for them. It also keeps me busy when I bored. Thank you facebook. :)

Wedding Planning!!

Wow...I haven't posted in so long. I forgot I even had the blog. I'm so bad at keeping up with this. I'm going to try and start up again.
A little update on life:

• My ankle is doing great now. It still gets very stiff and hurts with the weather changes...which has been every other day lately. I guess that is something I will just have to get use to.
• I've been sick like every other weekend. I found out my thyroid is way off again and so that explains some things. I got my medicine upped and hopefully I will be doing good again. It's really hard to lose weight when your metabolism is not working.
• I threw a baby shower for my Associate Pastor and it turned out great. Marta is so amazing and does so much for our Church.


Little diaper bike!
• My Nana is moving here. I'm excited to have her close by but a little sad on why she had to move here so fast. She's having some memory troubles. I just pray we can find some medicine to help her out.
• Kelsi became the Youth Minister at our Church. She is doing a wonderful job! I couldn't be more proud of her.
• As most of you know, I am ENGAGED!!!! The biggest news of all. He proposed in October and the ring is beautiful. I have already broken it and I am waiting to get it back. 187 days until I marry my best friend and become Mrs. Lucas!

Wedding planning has been going great! I pretty much have everything done that I can do at this time. We are getting our save the dates done in two weeks. We had to put them off a bit because I was sick the weekend we were going to get them done. I haven't been too stressed out yet. There have only been two things that have got to me and have me a bit stressed.

1. Money! I never imagined a wedding would be so much money. It's absolutely crazy how much every thing costs. I'm trying to pay for as much as I can so my parents don't have to do it all. It does make it hard though because I am the only one working because Matthew is in school. I just keep thinking as long as I have people there to celebrate our special day, it will be perfect!

2. Invites. If I could, I would invite everybody I know and love but I can't. My church only holds so many and I can only afford dinner for so many. This part has stressed me out the most. I think everybody thinks they are coming. I'm so afraid I will lose friends because they are not invited. I just can only invite my family, relatives, and closest friends. I just pray that people are understanding and that I don't think of them any less but this is all I could invite/afford.

Here are some pictures:

Bridesmaid dress

My rainbow wedding! A little glance...

My beautiful necklace I got for valentines day!

Best card ever!

Cute engagement cupcakes!!

My wedding website: http://www.ewedding.com/sites/matthewandrobin

Just Put On a Smile!

I was very wrong. I'm not sure what I expected but this is not it. I got to the doctors yesterday and they took off my cast. I was surprised my leg wasn't super nasty. It was just hairy. ewwww...which is nasty but not like dirty nasty. I was too freaked out to have my leg out of my cast to realize how amazing it felt to be out. My entire foot was very bruised and that freaked me out a bit. I thought when I got my boot, that I could just start walking. I was terrified to walk on it but at the same time, I was excited. Well the doctor came in and told me REALLY FUN news.
1) I can't walk for two weeks
2) I get it checked after a month and then I still get to wear this fun boot
3) I have to have therapy.
Seriously??? This is not fun news.
Then the nurse came in and and got me ready for the boot. It hurt sooo bad putting my foot in that stinkin boot. I wanted to kick her with it. I almost told her if she pushed any harder she would re break it and then I would break her. :)  I am so over this.
Now I am going to be positive and say that I am one step closer to being done and it will get better. :)

 This is where my ankle would swell and it had no where to go. It looks better in this picture then yesterday when I got it off.

 Bruising on top of my foot. owww

WARNING Rated R picture!

 The side of my ankle that I broke. It's still very swollen. Excuse the NASTY hair. I'm sooo sorry. Just remember if I have to be grossed out, so do you! hee hee

 My GINORMOUS BOOT!

I need to go get some sparklies to make it all purdy! :)



I am watching a little puppy right now to add on to the craziness. This puppy is beyond cute. Only problem is that I thought I could watch her just fine because I was getting my boot and I could walk. WRONG AGAIN. She is all over the place and making such a little mess and I can't do much. Poor Matthew is now helping me do it all. I feel awful because he didn't sign up for this and now he gets to do a majority of it. If I didn't have crutches, I would LOVE it but hopping around and trying not to fall over the dog, has been a challenge. To top off that good news, the front door handle broke and I couldn't get out so I had to use the garage. No bueno. Then I get to my car this morning to leave to fall against the car that was wet. My whole right side was wet and I had no spare clothes. Great morning.

Is she not the cutest little puppy!? 

I am now at work and my morning is going much better. I am sitting at my desk in pain but I have a smile on my face and I am happy when I answer the phone. It's going to get better! Right? There is nothing worse then somebody who is in a bad mood and brings everybody down with them. It's time to turn my day around! It's the WEEKEND!!! :)

WRECK 'EM TECH!!! 

2 Days!

I haven't written in a long time. Everything is going great and I get my cast off in TWO DAYS!!! I'm beyond excited!! I can't wait to shower and not have to use crutches. On Thursday I am going home and shaving right after because I will have one stinky hairy leg. I also get to get rid of the awful scooter. It makes me fall more than anything else I use to get around. It can be easier at the same time though.
My Nana is doing better!! The doctor said she hadn't been taking her medicine and so her blood pressure was very high. She is on her medicine now and staying with my parents. It's so good to have her close by. We are trying to get her to move down here. I want her living near us. When I put on facebook for prayers, so many people responded which meant the world. Thank you. I also want to thank Kim Phillips. We may not live close by anymore but she took the time to text me to check on Nana. I promise I will get around to calling you. Thank you Kim! Love you and your precious family.
I'm just going to post a lot of pictures!

                                       

I am in LOVE with these pickles! They are spicy and oh so good. I recommend them. 

Goodbye Scooter in TWO days!!!!

I went and got my nails done!! Fun and sparkly! 

Melissa and Gianna came over Saturday night and I made shrimp pasta. It was soo good

Uncle Matthew showing Gianna the ipad.

Gianna flying with Uncle Matthew

 Having a talk about the game

I kept putting the wipes on the table and Gianna would throw them off. She is screaming at me in the second picture. I was cracking up!

Gianna cheering on Texas Tech!! TOUCHDOWN!!! I love the second picture. FB profile pic right there...for Melissa of course.

 1st picture she is touching Uncle Matthew's PS3 controller. 2nd picture she is like "ohhh what am I doing"

I wonder how this tastes? Don't tell Uncle Matthew

Reading with Mommy! I LOVE this picture!

She is too cute! Look how long her hair is getting and so curly like her mama's! 2nd picture she would rather have my phone then the one she is playing with.

As you can tell, I can't get enough of her. I just love her to death! Sorry about all the pictures! Don't worry Melissa, I love you too!!  

So much has been going on lately. I am sooo PROUD of Matthew! He got a paid internship with a criminal law firm. Yah baby!! 

 I am blessed with wonderful friends and family! I will try and do better about updating for those of you who read! :)

Thankful!

I haven't written anything lately. I really haven't had the drive to. I've been busy at work and when I get home, I am so exhausted that I just want to relax without a computer. I woke up last night and was up for about two hours. This has been happening ever since I stopped the pain meds. I don't always wake up in pain but I'm not use to sleeping on my back and it's not very comfortable. Last night as I was laying there, I just started thinking about how thankful I am and all the good in my life. I thought I would make a list about things that have gone on the last week that made me so thankful.

I'm thankful for...

• Amy and Chris. They came over last Saturday to check on me. I'm pretty sure they were bored out of their mind but the fact they came over to see me was so completely sweet. They got me the card game fill or bust. I'm so excited to have them over to play it! 
• Melissa and Gianna. They came over on Saturday as well to see me. I really can't thank Melissa enough for everything she has done for me. She takes me to work everyday and helps with my many things to get around. She has helped me make sure my shift was covered everyday and did more than her share. Yesterday was her birthday and I know I couldn't do much but we went and had sushi for dinner. Gianna was a little hit last night. She is really growing up. She was talking, giving kisses, blowing kisses, doing her sign language, and just being the sweetest baby girl. :)

Me, Katharine, Cristina, and Jenny bought her Tiff's Treats at work! 

• My ankle healing right. I went to the doctors on Wednesday. My doctor happens to go to my church and he's a real nice guy. They took some x-rays and my ankle is doing great. As of right now, I will get my cast off on September 22nd. OMGOSH I can't wait. I have a countdown. 19 days left in this blasted cast. woot woot! 
• My daddy. His birthday was on Monday. Matthew and I went over after work and my mom made her famous salsa with a taco salad. It was soo good. I thank God everyday for having the best daddy in the world and one of the best role models in my life.
• Annie. She is the best little puppy in the world. I have felt so bad because I can't keep her with me everyday. I can't bring her up and down the stairs by myself so she has to stay with my parents. She loves Matthew so much now. I took some cute pictures of the two of them. She still loves me better though. :)

 She has her little paws wrapped around Matthew

 soooo cute

This is my stack of pillows and blankets for my ankle...Annie thinks it is her throne. 

• My job. I love my job and the people I work with. They have been so nice and understanding about my broken ankle. I really couldn't work for a better company. Everyone is so helpful. I'm lucky that I still love my job as much as I did when I started if not more. Only thing hard about working right now is that by the end of the day my ankle throbs. I come home and put my ankle up  and I'm done for the night. I'm starting to get leg cramps in my calf that the cast is around. I just keep telling myself 19 more days!! :)
• My church family- They have all been so nice and have kept me in their prayers. The little ones in the nursery are so sweet. They kept asking me if I was okay and kissing and rubbing my cast. Eric sent me a card in the mail to make me feel better. I have it hanging on my fridge. He also made chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies for everyone on Sunday. They were so tasty. Debra Heath also made me my favorite snack she always brings to church for me. It was really yummy and so sweet of her to think of me. 

 Eric

 Macy

 Bryce- he brought me pumpkin stickers and candy. So sweet

 Tyler

 Mason

The sweet card Eric made me on my fridge. 

• My mommy. I can't thank her enough. She runs all my errands and runs over to help me up the stairs when Matthew is not around. She brought me to my doctors appointment and my grandmommie came along. We had a great time together. After the doctors, we went to lunch and then went to Walmart. She dropped us both off, carried our purses and took care of the groceries. She then dropped me off at my apartment and helped me up and carried my groceries up the stairs. She is the best mommy in the world. 
• My new refrigerator. Last Sunday we realized our fridge wasn't working. We had just gone to the store that Saturday morning so everything we bought was ruined. It was very sad. The apartment people were able to get us a new fridge within the hour. Thank goodness. It stunk but we are good to go now. 
• Tech football! First game of the season starts today. We are playing Texas State. If we don't win today, then I will be prepared for a very long season. haha. WRECK 'EM TECH!!! :)

• My sisters. I am very lucky that my sisters are also two of my best friends. Love them to death. They have been so helpful through this whole ankle thing. 
• Last but not least...Matthew! He is the most wonderful man in the world. He makes me breakfast every morning, helps me up and down the stairs, cooks me dinner, loves me unconditionally, and is just plain perfect. He is my better half. Last Sunday we watched the VMA's together, had wine, and made nachos. It was the only thing we had that didn't spoil. A crazy day gone perfect! I just want to make him as happy as he makes me. I just want to marry him already. Sorry everybody nuff mushy stuff. I love my baby! :)

my cutie playing battlefield on the ps3 with Shaun