Feeling good in your own skin

We finally got our save the dates done. I really like them. It was hard to decide which pictures to use. I either looked like I had a double chin or my cheeks look ginormous or my eyes were shut. I showed all the pictures to my mom and of course she told me I was being too hard on myself. I have always been my hardest critic.

I don’t know why but I have always thought of myself as fat. Growing up I always wanted to be super skinny. I would hear my friends talk in high school about how they were a size 0 or a size 3 or something tiny. I think if I became anorexic, I would still never be a size 0. I started feeling good about myself and the shape I was in and then I dated a guy my junior year. He told me that he wished I looked like Carmen Electra and she had a hot bod. I’m no Carmen. It really hurt my feelings and again I wasn’t happy with myself. I don’t think I wore a bathing suit in front of people for a few years. I look back now and I wish I looked like I did in high school. Haha.

My first year of college I put on that freshman 15 but I then worked all summer to take it back off. I realized not being active in sports and just eating and hanging out wasn’t going to cut it. My second year at Tech I started gaining a ton of weight. I found out that I had a tumor. As much as you don’t want a tumor, it was nice to know there was something that was making me blow up like a balloon. As my tumor got smaller, I started to take off the weight. It’s crazy how people treat you when you gain weight. You get stared at and people are just rude. I hope I have never made any one feel bad about their weight. I started to get in a good place again and happy with my weight but still not thinking it was good enough and I started putting some back on. I found out that I had a thyroid problem.  Bleh….that’s all I have to say about that.

My weight goes up and down all the time having issues with my thyroid. I’m not blaming it all on that because I could be working out way more and eating better at times. It’s a crazy rollercoaster. I feel like a majority of the time I am wishing to always be skinnier and always be prettier. I want Matthew to be proud to show me off. If I can’t get to a point where I love myself no matter what shape I am in at the time then I won’t be happy and I’ll bring Matthew down too.

I know it’s already April but I have some goals that I have set for the next month from today.

1)      To look at myself in the mirror and love the person that I am and to be comfortable in my own skin.

2)      To exercise a few times a week after work.

3)      I keep up on counting my calories…it’s got to help…

4)      To not eat out for lunch at work so much…it’s hard to say no to going out with my coworker’s

This blog was a little personal but I figure if I type it then I have to stick to it. We get our save the dates back tomorrow and I can’t wait to send them out. We get our engagement pictures done in a month. I’m very excited but still afraid of what I will look like…which I’m working on fixing. 143 days until I marry my best friend. I can’t wait for that day.

Shout out to Matthew- Thank you for making me feel beautiful and telling me how beautiful I am every day since the day I met you. I am one lucky gal! J

 Brayden! Matthew and I went to watch him play baseball on Saturday! He kicked some major booty. Cutest guy out there...I mean best player out there! :)

Miss Kylie and her pretty mama! :)

A Weekend of Reflection

Yay for three day weekends! I don't know why but whenever we have a three day weekend I start if off with a cold. I'm not complaining too much because it was really nice to just be lazy on Friday. I slept in and stayed in my pjs. Matthew didn't have class so we were able to spend Good Friday together. He ran a couple of errands and came home with some beautiful pink tulips. I got to use one of my new vases to put them in. Good Friday will always be way more special to our family. My mom finished up radiation 3 years ago on Good Friday. She has been breast cancer free ever since. I feel very blessed to have my mom with me today and to be free from cancer. Cancer is such a cruel disease and I can't wait for the day when we have a cure to heal everyone.

 My mama and me! The most amazing woman I know. I hope I will be half as good as a mom as she is!

 My beautiful flowers!

My new lamp!!

Saturday morning we went to a memorial service for my friend Josh Nelinson's mom. She lost her battle to lung cancer. She was such a sweet sweet person. It was a beautiful service. I felt awful when I heard the news and I had no idea that she had been battling it since July. It made me feel like such a horrible friend. We get so busy in our daily lives and before you know it months have gone by. Josh has always been such a great friend to me and my whole family loves him to death. It really made me think about the person I am and how I want to better myself. I want to be there for my friends and I want them to know just how much I care. I would do anything for them no matter how "busy" I am. I'm really good at saying we need to get together but then never making the time to do it. Life is precious and you never know when it will be taken away from you or someone you love. The service also got me thinking about how I want to be remembered. I don't think you are ever too good to improve the type of person you are. I hope to try and better myself every day so that when my day comes, people can look back and have only positive memories.

After the memorial service my mom and I met my bridesmaids at David's Bridal! All six of my beautiful bridesmaids were able to come. They all got fit in their dress and looked stunning. I can't wait to see them all in their color. After getting fit and paying...which it was on sale I might add, we went to BJ's for lunch. I had so much fun. I am so blessed with wonderful friends and family. I love you all times infinity!! :)

Saturday evening I spent with my hunny! He wasn't feeling too good so it was my turn to spoil him. We watched The Help. I LOVED that movie. It was so good! I'm so glad that our world is not like that today. I know there are still people out there who still act so childish but there will always be a couple people who need help.

 Annie doesn't understand Matthew is sleeping...she wants to play.

We had a wonderful Easter Sunday!! I worked in the nursery all three services. The children were all dressed up and hyped up on candy! I really love those kids but I was sad that we were shorthanded because I wasn't able to attend church. When Marta gets back from maturity leave, I am going to give my two weeks. I'm going to miss those little munchkins so much but I want Matthew and I to attend church together. Our Easter service is my favorite service of the whole year. The message and the hymns are wonderful. After church Matthew and I went to his dad's and I GOT MY RING BACK!!! It's all purdy and shiny and as good as ever! I was one happy girl and I am one lucky girl as well!

 I got my ring back!!!

 This is what Annie does every morning. She jumps on Matthew's chest and licks his face until he wakes up. haha! :) 

It was a wonderful weekend and 5 months from yesterday we will be GETTING MARRIED!!! :)